On Thursday morning I took an MBA student to the airport. She is flying back to China. She has just finished her first year here and will be coming back for her second in the fall. She is one of the students who, while I initially thought she was closed to the good news and to developing a relationship, has certainly proved me wrong. We chatted the whole way there!
Unfortunately, however, I was reminded of why my job with international students is so important. She mentioned that, while in China you may be loved or well liked, here in America you are alone, no one special.
At first, she began talking of how in China she could totally be herself with her family and feel completely comfortable, but here she could not find that kind of a friendship. This didn't surprise me. Even I, as an American, felt that way when first coming to college, missing the connection I felt with my family and friends back home.
But then she got more specific. "No one to pick you up at the airport," is one of the things she mentioned. She told me of one international student, who I thought was always very well liked and popular at our university. Surely he did not feel alone. Yet when he graduated he chose to move back to China right away. I was surprised as most students try to stay on for a year and do an internship or work before going back to China. But, as she explained to me about the feeling of aloneness and not being known that an international student feels in the United States, I understood. Despite being liked, even the most popular students lack the level of connection and depth they desire here.
Our conversation brought back memories of my experience in China. Trying to talk with Chinese students and staff about my experiences and thoughts on a surface level, at times could become exhausting. I wanted to have someone ask me about my life, my feelings, my emotions, my experience back in the United States.
At times, I have to admit, I wonder "Why do I spend countless hours just getting to know students?" when I could be doing other things that appear more productive to the world. I will never think that again. My conversation with this girl on the way to the airport reminded me why I spend countless hours with students simply chatting and going out for coffee or a meal or exercising or even, at times, having a slumber party (am I too old for those?...). International students need not just someone to share the good news, not just someone to help them move or get good grades or learn about America, they need a friend.
Please, if you are reading this and you want to know how to connect with international students in your community or here in Newberg let me know!!!
A testimony
The Chinese teacher here in Newberg is exactly my age. She is Chinese and will be leaving in a month to go back to China. She's been here since August, and we have had many good times together forming a deeper connection because of our age and interests. On Friday we went out to dinner with one of my friends. I was upfront with her and told her that my friend wished to tell her their story of how they met Jesus. She said she would like that, as long as we were talking about other things as well. I assured her we would be.
The first part of our conversation we chatted together in Spanish (this Chinese teacher also speaks Spanish) and discussed the food and culture of China and the US. But during the time my friend shared his testimony, all became silent. Both of us sat riveted. I never did discuss much with the Chinese teacher afterwards about her thoughts on what was said during that time, but I have a feeling she will never forget.
Another testimony
"What were you talking about?" I asked the Christian Chinese MDiv student in the car with me.
We had just finished a two hour conversation with many other Chinese students about the cultural challenges facing internationals who come to the US. Loren, a former teacher and my landlord, has been preparing a course to address the issues many students face in living in and going to school in the USA and wanted our input. One of those he had asked for help was the Chinese teacher I mentioned above and the MDiv student with whom I was currently speaking.
"She was asking me about how I became a Christian," the student said.
"How did you become a Christian?" I asked.
The MDiv student then launched into sharing a brief portion of her story. She told me how you can't always know everything, but how, despite her objections, she had continued to go to a Bible study in her country until one day, she was moved and couldn't stop crying.
I wish I could remember more of her story to tell you all. I will ask her to write it down someday, but I knew that it was no coincidence that I drove the two of them home that night.
Before dropping off the MDiv student we spent another half hour talking about the challenges she would face in her upcoming PhD studies, personal and spiritual and financial. This student knows a little bit of my own personal struggles and encouraged me to trust that God will lead wherever I am in life. Usually I feel moved to pray after such conversation, but on this night, I just felt the spirit saying, "I heard everything."
A tea party
"I talked with my friend and she said you are welcome to come to the ladies tea today and you can bring a friend," Clare said looking at me.
I paused. That sounded nice. She had said it is an outreach, but who could I invite?
I went to church wondering, and then I thought about one of our students of another faith background. I had not spent time with her in awhile. Why not ask? "I'm sure she will say that she is too busy," I thought.
I sent her a message, and she replied right away saying she could go!
I picked her up in her flowered dress, and her smile brought a smile to my face. Her mentioning that she had worn the dress to a church service she had attended with her roommate that morning made me smile even more so..
"Have you been to a tea party?" I asked her. "No," she replied.
We followed my GPS and finally reached, what looked like it could be a large country-style mansion. It was the largest house I had seen in the area, with beautiful ponds, flowers, and a tree-filled back and side yard My student stood in awe, her eyes wide as we looked around. When it came time to eat, the student again oohed and awed over the many delicious treats. While I was equally in awe, I was even more delighted by the way each and every woman we passed greeted us, and wanted to get to know us.
We eventually seated ourselves out back and several ladies joined us. Then, shortly after, they began a lively chat about families, trips, and education. After about an hour I asked the student if she needed to go but she indicated that she wouldn't mind staying, so we stayed a little bit longer. Knowing that it can be hard to follow so many lines of conversation in another language, I knew she must be enjoying and understanding enough to be having an enjoyable time if she wasn't eager to leave.